To my God, Friends, family, and to especially my fiance, Tammy,

To those who care, read the whole thing, and thank you.

Right now I am in my room, listening to an app that boost mental and emotional health. I don’t know what came over me to write this but i think its time to reflect my life since the last time i can remember.

self reflection:

Since i dont write much, here is something i was in the mood in. I grew up, fast, and im not in the same social circle as i was before, neither did i expect to be in the circle that i am now. I have been living here in japan for the past 2 years and may i say its one of the best things ive ever experienced. ive come across many beautiful personalities and japan itself is amazing. Thank you japan for your hospitality but its almost time for me to go. on the surface, i became lazy with working out but im jumping on it again for the reason to be healthy, to look good for tammy, and i need to teach myself patience and perseverance. 

things ive been thinking about:

tammy, marriage, future, life, health, work, and last but definitely not the least, God. I would like to thank him for everything in my life that has happened, and he paved the way for me to be happy and content with myself, it was a long hard journey but he help me look for myself. i am truly grateful for his blessing in life and i thank all of you that has been praying for me. your support has been nothing short of amazing. thank you. 

Tammy, the love of my life, i just have so much to say about her, we have been through the toughest times and i can serioiusly say that i dont think i can live without this beautiful woman. and boy does it pay to wait. guys word of advice, your soulmate, it does exist, and the best part is you choose who that is. i have found mine, we are the complete opposite but to accept each others differences in character, personalities, and culture, makes the relationship creates diversity and makes it interesting, and for those who want a long lasting relationship, learning about your partner is the secret, you have to look for something everyday about your partner, because that is the lasting interest and you wont be disappointed. We are lucky to have each other, she loves me for who i am and unconditionally, thats hard to find because its so hard to trust people these days. and that is the main focus, benefit of the doubt and trust. though there are a fine line, you need to find where yours is. i have learned alot in a realtionship because of her. Tammy, I love you, and if you are reading this, everything i do is for us. You see, me and her dont hangout with our own generation, why? because our generation is so engulfed with things that we shouldnt worry about that tammy and i dont really care about, and wisdom comes from older generations that have alot more valuable things to say than our generation. it does bring our maturity to  a huge level. i was afraid of relationships because i didnt want to go through a heartbreak. But the thing about it is courage comes from being vulnerable and choosing to follow through with it makes you brave. none of us is a fan of long distance relationship, but Ive heard it works and i wanted to challenge my first and only serious relationship, and as big as a gamble, i wanted to show myself that i can accomplish something i always wanted, a strong relationship. This has challenged my faith, trust, and something i never had before, a serious relationship. and to those i have had my past relationships im sorry, but I found the lucky one to dedicate my life to, i am hers only. and i wasnt ready at the time, and i apologize for breaking your heart. i love her with all my heart. and love is a funny thing, as to everything i find funny, it can transform you, motivate you, make you a better person. With God’s and tammy’s help, I made myself better in a relationship at a faster rate, learned about it, and im learning a new langauge, Thai, and got back in the gym, work harder, save more money, became a better partner, and everything that i may have missed. All i think about is the future because its important, she is important.

i have alot of flaws, i know it and there are some things i cant change, but what i like about myself is that i put in effort when i apply it, and all in good intention to help. things are important to me and i know it grants my instant gratification, satisfaction, and the goodness of my kind heart. this is what makes me happy in life, personally. working in the navy has not only reflected my work ethic, but my personality. I am lazy all the time, i lack motivation most times, i have a hard time putting my foot down when i need to. as much as these things hinder me i look,and accept it as being too passive as a person. call it whatever you want but it isnt really something that bothers me because that is just who i am, i avoid confrontation when it gets heated because i dont want to ruin a relationship. call me a pushover, ill gladly get out of your way, and ill walk the opposite and move on with my life, dont think i wont. less damage as possible.

future, i damn near think about it all the time because to be honest im worried and it keeps me on my toes. alot of it is just unorganized but i know what i want. and thanks to tammy, she helps greatly with it. I doing great so far considering i was lost to begin with. 

Marriage is sacred to me and the most serious thing i take. and i am happy with my partner and i cant wait to start a new life with her. i know it wont be easy but times it has challenged us and she can hang around and deal with me. Im lucky. she loves me and i know it. 

Work, its not hard to deal with, it just gets crazy sometimes as all other jobs do, and someday i wont have to work and ill be something better, become a business entrepreneur. lol we will see about this one. that is a a high goal.

health, i feel good emotionally, mentally, and physically. as do all things, i need to improve to be adapt and be competent in this sophisticated world. 

Im losing my motivation to type but this is something i want to say to all of you that are wondering what i am doing with my life, i am doing fine. Im happy with what i have, and things only get better. Thanks for reading in the mind of pj.